Yesterday?

Nope, it was a year ago. It feels like it just happened in some ways and in others it feels like forever ago. Such a fog is around the weeks that followed. The moment I found out was like an out of body experience and as I remember the events of this day one year ago that is how I remember them. As an outsider watching myself as a hurried around my house trying to pack to go to Ohio the next morning. Then the phone rang.... Chandra called to tell me that Jenna wasn't doing very well, that she didn't have any answers but it didn't look good. It was Jenna she was talking about though, she had been in a tough spot before with this chemo, she'd be fine. I then found out she was sitting in Jenna's driveway and she was getting ready to let me go so she could go in and help Barbara who was in there with all three of their kids (Chandra's, Barbara's and Jenna's). Then she said, oh here she comes.... I could barely hear what Barbara was saying but I thought I heard her say the words we never wanted to hear. I was hollering into the phone, "what did she say!?!" Our fears had come true and we lost Jenna. I fell to my knees and we all just sat their and cried. I still feel badly for Chandra and Barbara because they had to pull it together and go back into the house with all those kids and not break down when they looked into Jenna's kids faces. I could just fall to my knees and cry and that is what I did. I don't think I stopped for days.

Now it has been a year. And while typing this I have tears streaming down my face as I remember when we all lost her beautiful sparkling eyes and contagious laugh. Her sexy looks (you won't understand that one if you didn't know her) and the "Hey Baby" she often said as only she could say it in a voice that is forever engraved in my memory. I think about her in some form every day, whether it be wondering what she is in Heaven doing now or a fun memory I have of her. I try very hard not to be sad but to remember the good times we had and I am still so grateful that I was able to call her my friend.

Tonight there are several of us that knew Jenna who are going to LaSiesta to say a toast to our friend over a nice big margarita, her favorite. We will remember some fun times and share our funny stories. We will celebrate the wonderful life she led as we remember our friend.

I miss you Jenna, I wish you were still here with us. I don't understand why you were taken from this life so soon but I know you are at peace and you are happy and at least that will make me smile today.

Listen to this song... <3