A Picture Plea

Ever since Wednesday night after we got the tragic news I have been looking at pictures, reading blogs ect. Trying to hold onto any part of Jenna that I could. I have since been through her entire blog and through all of my pictures on shutterfly as well as hers and I just can't find a picture of she and I together. I know that alot of you who knew her have been looking at old pictures as well so if you happen to come across a picture of Jenna and I, I sure would love it if you could email it to me. I have tons of the kids but none of us.

Tears and Laughter

These past few days have been filled with tears as we sit back and remember Jenna. We have managed to laugh quite a bit too. We all have such wonderful memories of her and it was nice to sit back and listen to each other's funny stories. It doesn't take away our pain but it does help to laugh.
I keep thinking of 2 specific things over and over again. The first is a funny time and also happens to be the last time I ever saw Jenna. The last time I saw her was June 9, 2007. I had decided to celebrate Mykenzie's birthday early because I knew on her actual birthday Jenna would either be in the hospital or at the beach and I wanted her to be able to come. The kids played and had a great time, so much fun in fact that Kaity (Jenna's middle child) decided that she couldn't possibly take the time to go into the house to go to the bathroom and she apparently thought my yard would do just fine. Jenna was in the house getting Ashlee her clothes (they were in swim suits) since the party was winding down and I went in to tell her, even though I had a hard time cause I was laughing so hard. I will never forget her face when I told her that Kaity took a dump in my yard! Her eyes got huge and she said "She did WHAT!?!?!?" It was so funny! She was sitting in my chair putting Kaity's shoes on shaking her head and rolling her eyes, but the whole time with a smile on her face and trying not to laugh.
You see it seems as though every time I had a playdate at my house someone between Kaylee, Kaity or Rand either peed or pooped on something. My house quickly became known as the "Piss and Shit house" (wonder who dubbed it that, lol) So it was only fitting that it happened one last time with her here.

The second is by no means funny and may make you cry so if you aren't really in the mood for it you may want to skip this and go to the next paragraph. I have had company for the past 3 weeks and haven't been to any playdates other than the day my sister in law came into town on the 6th and then Mykenzie's bday party. I actually hadn't been online much either. Well on the 25th I wasn't home literally all day long and hadn't had a chance to check on Jenna to see how her beach trip was or when she was admitted to the hospital. I checked her blog first thing on Tuesday morning and quickly sent her an email apologizing for not being around much. I then told her about all of my ailments that I had while she was gone (I had a staph infection which caused a UTI) Then I told her that I was leaving for Ohio on Thursday but I wanted to come to the hospital and see her before I left so I would come that night or the next night (Wednesday). She of course emailed me back and said she was sorry about my sicknesses and said that she was feeling pretty good. The leg that was hurting her felt much better and she hadn't had any morphine for it yet. And that she was really feeling good that baby Will was going to do really well through all of the drugs that she had been put on. Then she went on to say "Don't feel like you HAVE to rush up here to visit. I know how stressed it can be getting ready for a trip. I'll be here when you get back too! LOL"

It is these, the most recent things that I keep replaying over and over in my mind. Thanks to friends reminding me of things I had totally forgotten about and to Jenna herself for keeping up with her blog so well. I went back and read it and relived some fun times we shared. So far this loss has not become easier at all, but it is getting easier to remember more of the fun times and focus on that, it isn't till you stop that you get sad once again knowing that there will be no more.

Heartbroken

How can a life just end? I just don't understand how you can be here one minute and gone the next. I have been putting off writing this but it seems like I owe it to people to let them know what happened since so many people have been praying for Jenna so hard even though they had never met her. You all know how much she has meant to me over the past few years and I thank you all for your support and prayers as she has gone through the past several months battling leukemia (AML) and ask for your continued prayers for her children and her family and friends.

Tragically Jenna lost her battle to AML yesterday due to some complications, after only returning to the hospital 2 days before. Her unborn baby, Will was also lost. We didn't see it coming until it was just moments away. It is shocking and numbing. After all Jenna is superwoman, she births 11+ pound babies like it is nothing and she fights cancer and wins. She fights for what she wants, she is confident and sure and never afraid to speak her mind. I always thought I was a strong person until I met her. I have never in my life seen someone have so many things go wrong and still be upbeat. Even though things got her down from time to time she always found a way to put humor to it, or find some way to see the positive. Who does that? I admire her so much for all that she went through this past year and how well she managed to get through it when most of us would have just fallen apart at the seams.

Words can not even begin to express the sadness I have in my heart now. It is broken. My heart aches for her, that she will not get to be here for her children. It breaks for her children that they will no longer get to feel her love, feel her hugs, hear her voice say the words I love you. It bleeds for Mark, knowing that he has so much to endure, with his own grief, to working, to taking care of and trying to fill the void in three young kids. It cries for her mother and her father having to say good bye to their baby, part of their soul. And for her sister and brother to lose a piece of their lives and their hearts. And for all of the other family members and friends who loved her so much. It breaks for Me and Barbara and Chandra and our children, we all spent so much time together and have all become so close and that is truly because of Jenna. We all started out as friends with her and she brought us all together. I can't imagine how we are going to play and have her not be there. I know that I was not her best friend but we were close friends, good friends, and here in TN, in my life here she has been my best friend. I am so thankful to have had her as such a big part of my life for the past couple of years. She was the first person I met in TN, before I even technically moved here. I met her on matching moms and was so excited that she had a daughter the same age as Mykenzie. I always had fun with her, I always smiled and laughed with her. I will always hold her in my heart and I will never forget her. She was loved by all who knew her and will be missed greatly. I love you Jenna and I miss you dearly. Rest in Peace my sweet friend

Water Slide fun

It's Party Time!

Yesterday we had Mykenzie's birthday party, even though her bday isn't till the 22nd. I did it in a Luau theme and it was pretty cute if I do say so myself. We got her a bounce house for her birthday and set that up and borrowed Jenna's inflatable water slide (which was a huge hit and we will definatley be purchasing one) The kids played and ate and then they did a sand art project. We had an adorable and yummy cake and then they took their turn swinging a bat at the hula girl pinata. By the time it was all said and done I think that everything went really well and the party was a hit. The kids had a great time and Mykenzie was super happy about the whole thing. She loves having friends over anyhow so to have about 15 kids here to celebrate her birthday with her made her day. Thanks to everyone who came and made it such a special day :)

It's Back

Two things are back really. You want the bad one or the good one first? I'll start with the bad so I can end on a happy note! lol My pink eye is back! I have my kids, my SIL Angie, and my niece Lily here now. So hopefully I can keep it contained to just me getting it. Luckily the contagious bit will have passed by Saturday when I have a house full of kids for Mykenzie's birthday party. It looks awful but really isn't bothering me too much. Sucks though

The good is that my van is back! I sooooo missed my van after having one with zero features! Seems like it is working good so lets cross our fingers that it stays that way. There is soooo much more room than in my rental van.

Off to get ready for story time. I know I shouldn't be going but Kenzie was looking forward to it. I am carrying Purell with me and I am not touching my face at all, let alone my eyes!

Poor Cami

I took Cami in to get fixed yesterday. She is so pityful laying around. I have mainly been keeping her in her cage for her own protection from the terror of Kaylee. She got through the surgery with no problems so I guess it was fine to take her to the Humane Clinic rather than the vet after all. The kids can't wait for her to get back to her old self, I on the other hand, though I dont wish her pain, am enjoying the mellow version of Cami!

Lemonade anyone??

This morning while watching Travis put on his tie Mykenzie said "I am not going to marry a man who has to wear a tie everyday." Travis said "well how will he make money?" To which she matter of factly replied "Selling Lemonade"

Last Day of School

Sad

I am so emotional this morning! I guess once you have kids your hormones never go back to what they once were cause I cry over everything ever since I had Mykenzie. Today really is a sad day though. I just dropped Mykenzie off for her last day of school and took some pictures with her and her friends and teacher. As I walked into the classroom I was shocked to see the rooms empty with only boxes piled up in the centers. And it hit me that this will be the last time I set foot in the school. They are moving to a beautiful new school closer to my house which I am really excited about but I had never really thought about missing the old one. It is just sad to see Mykenzie moving on from something she started out in. She has spent her first 2 school years in this school and she wont even remember it as she grows up. I have no doubt that the new school will be much better than this old, beaten up and way to small school but it is still sad to leave it behind. Not only are we leaving the school behind but we are also leaving her teacher behind. Mykenzie had Mrs. Watson for Kindergarten and she moved up to first grade this year and we were lucky enough to get her again. She has been so wonderful to Mykenzie and I feel really lucky that Mykenzie has gotten to have her as a teacher for two years. She didn't have a great teacher for preschool and it made it a really hard year but once she entered kindergarten she had no problems. We will both really miss Mrs. Watson.

Mykenzie has done wonderful this year. She is such a smart little girl. It absolutely amazes me the things she can do now. She can read about anything you put in front of her any more and she is excellent at math. She still gets her lower case "b" and "d" mixed up but her teacher assured me today that she will get it in no time. She started out the year with "satisfactory" in Reading, Spelling and Handwriting and she has brought them all to "Excellent" and has had "Excellent" in Math the entire year. She started the year in reading level "D" and is ending the year in level "K" They want them to be in level "I" by the end of their 1st grade year so she has surpassed that by 2 levels. I know that she is not the highest in the class but we don't need her to be. She is doing excellent and I am so very proud of her.