What do I do now?

It seems like for the past few months I have always had something to plan, something major going on and now, nothing. I way over analyze Christmas and over plan for it. Then I had vacation stuff going on. All the anticipation and thinking and planing for those things and now they are just wonderful memories. Now what. I have Easter but that was pretty easy and I already have the girls baskets put together. I did that today and I stuffed eggs for all the egg hunts we have going on last week. Why do I feel the need to have something going on that I can control? And why is it that I can't get controlling about my house and get the freaking thing clean? That is something I have absolutely no desire to do. My downstairs is picked up (not clean) and my upstairs look like it threw up on itself. Can't get behind doing that though. This month is actually going to be pretty busy with visits from my brother in law Tony and then 2 days later my sister and niece are coming. Not to mention, Easter, parties and a ton of girl scout stuff. It will all keep us really busy but I don't have anything to do with them other than show up, which is wonderful but it is like my mind doesn't know what to do if I am not over planning something! lol It is making me think about things that I don't want to deal with like, what am I going to do with my future. I am going to be putting Kaylee in a 2 day a week Mothers Day out program (preschool) in the fall and she will likely do that for 2 years and then my little baby will be in kindergarten. That is when mommy has to grow up and go to school and get an out of the house job. That totally FREAKS me out. I haven't worked in almost 7 years!!! It will be well over 10 before I actually do and it will have been 11 years since I have been in school. I have no clue how in the world I am going to do that. It all scares me. Even worse is that I am 26 years old (almost 27) and I don't have a clue as to what I would want to even do. I don't want to be in school forever, I honestly don't even want to work. I do want to have the education though. If God forbid anything ever happen to Travis or between us I want to know that I can support my children and not have to worry that a minimum wage job is all I can have to take care of my girls. The most practical thing would be a Dental Hygienist. That has limited school and they make decent money. Plus I think that is a job I could easily do. The next thing on my list of maybes is nursing. Much harder school, but better pay and a better schedule. Like I could work from 7pm to 7 am 3 days a week and be done. Come home, send the kids to school and sleep. Still be there when they come home and still spend time with them. I am not confident I can do the schooling for it nor am I sure that I can do the job. I am really indecisive so having a life in my hands may not be a good thing. The thing I would really LOVE, as in I think I could do it plus it is something I have always really wanted to do is counseling. I don't mean marriage counseling but more like a H.S. guidance counselor or something. I would love to work with battered women too (I once dreamed of opening my own shelter one day). I wanted to be a psychologist in High School (until I failed my psych class-the only class I ever failed) I planned on having my doctorate in psychology. I do not want that at all anymore but I would still like to do something in the field. It would require alot of school though. And just so you know I consider 4 years of BS classes a lot of school. What do I consider BS classes? That would be anything that will not directly help me with the job I intend to do. I don't want to take anatomy and geography to be a counselor. No foreign language, no physical education. No thank you. I am a grown person with a family and I do not have time for crap. It requires time for class, time for homework and time for studying, all of those are things that I don't have time for if I don't need it for the job. My job at home would be the same. I will have kids to get off to school and do homework with and take to Girls Scouts and things, and cleaning and cooking and laundry. Those things wont go away. How do people do it? It will be sooooo hard. I am dreading it completely. I would recommend that everyone go to college straight out of High school. Not that I am regretting my decisions at all, it just would have been easier. I have 2 years to figure all this stuff out but considering I blinked and the past 9 years were memories, I think the next 2 will be gone before I know it. Sometimes being a grown up sucks. When you are young you can't wait to be old and on your own and independent, setting your own rules. Then you get there and you long for carefree days with no responsibilities. I wouldn't go back to those days even if I could, but to have that feeling again, even for just a day would be awesome!